Sex Coach Tip of the Month

At some point most of us will experience the frustration/irritation of being aroused, feeling like everything is a “go” for intercourse, and then realizing we are as dry as a desert. Hormonal changes, some medications, age, health issues, stress, anxiety, depression and so on, can quickly change or disrupt the body’s ability to produce natural lubrication.

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And sex without some sort of natural lubrication — or otherwise — is not pleasant. In fact, it’s often quite painful.

I want you to try a little experiment: Take your partner’s hand and offer to give her a short hand massage, really working on the meaty part of the palm for a minute or two. Be sure to ask for feedback from your partner as to how it feels and what — if anything — they liked about it.

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Now try the experiment again: This time, use a little bit of lotion. Repeat the same massage. Does the feedback change?

Usually the person receiving the massage enjoys the first one, but the hand starts to get a little sore after a minute or so. When the second massage starts (the one with the lotion) the difference is usually quite noticeable. The receiver visibly relaxes more, maybe closes his eyes, and just enjoys it more.

Lubrication used during intercourse, other sex play, or with toys, is a great way to enhance the experience and allow both partners to relax and not stress about whether or not their body is going to respond “appropriately.”

However, and this is important, all lube is NOT created equally, which will be next month’s post. That said, if you’re new the the lubrication world, I would suggest going to a shop where testers are available. You can try water-based, oil-based, organic, flavored, cooling, warming, and so on. One last, very important note, do NOT used flavored lubes in the vulva/vaginal area.  The sugars found in flavored lubes will contribute to a unpleasant yeast infection and are to be avoided. On the other hand, they’re great on just about any other area of the body.  Additionally, remember to only use water based toys with any silicone tools or tools you may have.  Generally speaking, water based lubrication is a good all around but may not last as long and is great with toys.  Silicone is great for a longer lasting lubrication but not to be used with tools or toys.

So, so answer the question of, “To lube or not to lube?”

Kate Hall