Protecting The Relationship You’ve Built

By Kristin Hodson, LCSW, CST, CST-S

When it comes to protecting what we’ve built in a long-term relationship, it’s important to recognize that every marriage has vulnerabilities. If we don’t proactively tend to them, even strong relationships can slowly erode. We don’t want to wait until the cracks are big—we want to start preventing and investing now.

I once heard a saying from the fitness world: “You train what you want to retain.” If you want strength and mobility later in life, you practice those things now. The same holds true for marriage. If we want to feel secure and connected down the road, we need to establish practices today that build security and connection.

1. Create regular rituals of connection
Don’t just rely on the big annual trip. Instead, create daily, weekly, monthly, and even seasonal rituals that bring fun, shared experiences, and consistent connection. Think of these like the multivitamin of your relationship—small but powerful doses that build long-term vitality. Protect those rituals like you would a doctor’s appointment or any other non-negotiable commitment.

2. Address issues while they’re small
A friend of mine recently shared that as their kids left home, they realized how often they had swept little frustrations under the rug during the busy years. With fewer distractions, those old resentments were suddenly more visible. The lesson? Learn to name and work through issues as they arise. Small repairs along the way prevent big repairs later.

3. Keep updating your “love map”
Relationship experts John and Julie Gottman talk about “love maps”—the idea that part of intimacy is knowing your partner’s inner world. That inner world changes over time. Your partner’s favorite dessert five years ago might have been rocky road ice cream, but today it could be pistachio gelato from a new shop down the street. Staying curious about each other prevents the painful feeling of, “You don’t even know me anymore.”

Happy, healthy long-term relationships are incredibly rewarding and they also take work! If you feel like your relationship needs more help than what is described above, get in touch! The Healing Group therapists are specially trained to support couples and relationships. Call or text us at 801-305-3171 to get scheduled with a specialized therapist.