Therapists Don't Tell Us What To Do (Even When We Want Them To!)

By Mary Attridge, CMHC, ATR-BC, ATCS

Wouldn’t it be so nice if someone would just tell me what to do when I don’t know?

Of course it would! We’ve likely all faced a complicated situation where we wished someone a little wiser than ourself could just tell us the right thing to do. However, contrary to popular opinion, did you know that this is NOT the job of a therapist?

Clients come to therapy in distress, in complex situations, in long standing, mired circumstances. As humans, we all have a wish to relieve someone of this and want them to have things be easier. If this is what you’re looking for when you come to therapy, you might be a little disappointed. As a therapist, even if I wanted to provide you with advice or point you in a certain direction, I wouldn’t, because that is not my job.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: it isn’t all these fancy acronymed tools and modalities that make your therapy work. It’s our connection.

See, a lot of the process of therapy is about having the opportunity to have a different experience of yourself, a different experience of what will hopefully be an important attachment relationship and experience. And maybe you had good enough attachment figures growing up and it’s more recent experiences that you’ve felt more unmoored and alone. I will walk beside you in that process, without judgment or expectation. I may even model some things like self care, self compassion, and vulnerability. 

When you come in for therapy, you are still the best expert on you. Just as much as I might like to rescue you from your hardship, you may wish that I could. But I can’t.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t care. What it means is that I see you as very capable and competent to work on you and evolve, resolve, heal in the exact way you need. It also means that I value your agency and ability to own your choices and determine yourself. 

So, I won’t tell you to stay or leave your religion, your job, or your relationship. I won’t necessarily tell you you are right about something. I won’t give advice. What I will do is support you in thinking through things, I’ll ask questions, I’ll check in on your values, and help you find clarity. I’ll support you if grief is a part of the process. I’ll see you and honor you in the best light possible, assuming your good nature and want for wholeness and healing. 

I believe that as human beings we can endure nearly any emotion so long as we don’t feel alone with it. Even joy is flattened when we don’t have someone to share it with. And I guess there’s another thing your therapist will do: we’ll celebrate your progress and your victories with you!

If you are at a point in your life where you could benefit from an empathetic listening ear, where you feel you could use some support navigating challenging emotions or stressful times, or help processing trauma, The Healing Group has openings with skilled therapists ready to help. Call or text us at 801-305-3171 for more information!