Am I A Sex Addict?

By Kristin Hodson, LCSW, CST

Am I a sex addict? Do I have a sex addiction? When we recently conducted a Google search, we discovered this was one of the biggest questions people were searching for when they felt out of control with their sexual behavior. It can feel overwhelming when behaviors are out of alignment with values and you’re not sure what to do.

Let’s start with what a sex addiction is. Sex addiction has been the common language used to describe people, most commonly men, who act and feel out of control with their sexual urges and behaviors. The label of “addiction” implies that they are helpless to manage their sexual behaviors and need outside support such as a 12 step group and intensive therapy. However, additional perspectives and approaches to problematic sexual behavior have been introduced to understand what’s going on.

Doug Braun-Harvey introduced an alternative way of understanding “sex addiction” viewing it as a sexual health problem vs an addiction. Viewing it as a problem makes it no less serious than an addiction, however, it opens up new ways to understand what is happening within the individual that is driving their behavior so they can regain control of their behaviors and live within their values.  While the criteria for being a sex addict may be based on behaviors the model has predetermined are unhealthy, the out-of-control sexual health model empowers the individual to determine what behaviors are not working for them in their lives. 

People who feel they are a sex addict are often engaged in consensual behaviors but are being dishonest and living outside of the values that they want to uphold. Despite their attempts to stop, they continue to engage in these behaviors and ultimately need support with a group or individual therapist to be able to. 

Questions to help you determine if you are feeling out of control with your sexual behavior

These questions may be applicable with or without a partner, such as masturbation. If you find that you have experienced one of more of these consequences below or feel like you could experience one of these consequences with the behaviors you are engaging in, it could be worthwhile to seek support to discuss your sexual health concerns: 

1. I have lost a job because of my sexual activities

2. My relationship is continuously strained because of my sexual activities

3. I have gotten a sexually transmitted infection because of my sexual activities

4. I have had legal trouble because of my sexual activities

5. I have emotionally hurt someone I care about because of my sexual activities

6. I have betrayed trust in a significant relationship because of my sexual activities

7. My sexual activities have interfered with work or schooling

8. My sexual activities have interfered with my ability to have healthy sex

9. I have lost respect from people I care about due to my sexual activities

10. The quality of my personal relationships have suffered due to my sexual activities

11. My spiritual well-being has suffered because of my sexual activities

12. My self respect, self esteem, and self confidence has been negatively impacted due to my sexual activities

13. My sexual activities have interfered with my ability to be my best self

14. I have become dependent on drugs or alcohol because of my sexual activities

If you have answered yes to many of these questions, please know there is hope. A qualified therapist can help you identify ways to live in alignment with your values, and support you through the ups and downs of your healing journey. Call or text The Healing Group at 801-305-3171 to schedule an appointment.